The Dead Knight
by Brandon Cobain
Summary: The Full Story of the Dead Knight with a few surprises...


The Dead Knight

Bruce Wayne, the pinnacle of all human attributes, is still trying to best the Clown Prince of Crime. Always has the Joker escaped attempts at capture (but even when he is captured he finds a way to escape). "The clever devil is more intelligent than the so called 'World's Greatest Detective'", these thoughts have been slowly driving the millionaire to the depths of insanity. It has never failed that when he gets close, he finds a happy corpse, yet it seems to laugh at him, as if to taunt him even further, as if it still has enough life to laugh and laugh and laugh. He has always hated the look on the faces of those "lifeless" corpses, because they were more of the Jokers tools. Ever since he was introduced to this gas he has been slightly interested in its contents. It would be another challenge to find out what it's made of….and more of a challenge to make an antidote. So without anyone being the wiser he took a sample of what was on the unfortunate victims face.

Later, in the lab, Bruce runs the compounds through his super computer. Upon seeing its contents he searched the computer for the anti-effects, and he was successful in finding them. Now the problem was to put these chemicals together and test them. Luckily Bruce had these chemicals in his inventory, he wondered why this step was so simple…but he continued. It was then that he realized that it was 6:00 in the morning and he had an important meeting in about an hour, so much to his dismay he had to stop the experiment. So he told Alfred to leave the chemicals as they were so that he can have the same layout.

After sleeping through the meeting Bruce rushed home to find the antidote as fast as possible. He enters Wayne Manor and quickly made his way to the cave. Once inside the cave he started mixing the chemicals, and he was successful. The only problem he had was that he had nobody to test it on, Alfred offered but Bruce refused…so the only thing that was left was to be his own personal guinea pig. "I have a dreadful feeling about this sir", "I do too Alfred, believe me, but this is the only way I can hope to stop Joker". Alfred unwillingly went back to his room after being told by Bruce (because Bruce didn't know how this would happen and didn't want to risk it happening to Alfred if it all went wrong). He put this compound in a syringe and prayed to the Lord Almighty that it would work. He then injected himself, and as he did he felt like he was slowly dying. He felt as though his heart was stopping and he was growing hungry, hungry for something he had never had…flesh. It was then that he knew why it was so easy, because they were all from a cult that had experimented with "Zombies" that he stopped a few months prior.

Bruce staggered with great difficulty to Alfred's room. When he got there Alfred caught him and then helped him to the bed. "Sir what happened?!?!" "Chemicals, killing me, didn't work" " Please sir you must hold on" "I'm sorry Alfred, I Love you…." Alfred just sat there with Bruce in his arms crying, he couldn't do anything else, just weep for the loss of the Dark Knight. While he was sitting there he remembered when he was younger, he remembered when Mr. and Mrs. Wayne were still alive, yet he felt that Bruce was moving. When he looked down he saw Bruce's eyes were open. Although, Alfred could see no life in the eyes of his Second son, they were blank, but he ignored that. Just as Alfred was going to rejoice Bruce lunged forward and began devouring Alfred. Alfred was no match for him and could do nothing but scream, scream at the sheer horror.

Bruce continually bit his former butler and surrogate father. After five minutes the newly made zombie just stopped, he stopped because Alfred was a zombie too. They both got up and headed out the door… towards Gotham. They were stumbling to the city when somebody noticed Batman walking down the road. He went over to greet the hero when he noticed that he was walking oddly, "Batman are you alright?" then they attacked, now Gotham had three zombies headed for it. The farther they went the more victims they had caught in their wake. The new zombie population was now booming, and still headed directly for Gotham.

In Gotham Commissioner Gordon gets a call from a frantic officer, "Commissioner, Commissioner!!! THERE ARE THESE THINGS, HORRIBLE THINGS!!!! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE, WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY?!?!?! GET THE FU-YOU SON OF A- THOSE FUCKING BASTERDS BIT ME!!! NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "JOHNSON? JOHNSON? DAMN IT WHAT ARE THOSE THINGS?!?!? GET ME A HELICOPTER OUTSIDE OF THE CITY AND BLOCK THEM OFF AT ALL COSTS!!!" Little did he know it was too late, they had already passed Gotham's city limits, they were in and there was no stopping them.

It is hard to believe that anywhere in Gotham could be relatively (actually entirely) unaffected by the ensuing catastrophe, well the next thing will be really hard to believe. Old Arkham Asylum is the only place that people don't live even relatively close to, and you would think that it's abandoned…well you were wrong. Now there is an image of a man with a painted face and his lovely assistant. It's the Joker and Harley Quinn(and of course the henchmen)! Imagine that, the villain at the beginning of the story is now the only living person (with other people)!

Joker observes Gotham and a puzzled look comes across his face. "Harley" "Yes sugar?" "Where the hell are the people in old Gotham?" As she looks at him in a confused manner he hands her the binoculars and sees a disfigured man with no arm just shuffling along the road. "Mr. J I think I see a zombie" "Harley have you gone as insane as yours truly" "Take a look for yourself" Joker then proceeds to look and much to his surprise he saw a zombie. "Where the hell did his arm…oh there it is by the side of the road, should we give him a hand?" "Oh Mr. J you're so funny" "Don't patronize me Harley or I'll feed you to my new pet zombie" "What pet zombie Mr. J?" "The one Joe is going to get for me, isn't that right Joe?" At this point Joe (a random henchman) was trying to avoid this task when he was given the choice to either get the zombie or get the gas, he immediately obliged.

After several hours of contemplating how Joe would (or had) die they hear a knocking at the door. Amazingly the previously incompetent Joe had brought back a zombie. "Well, well, well doesn't he look lively" "Thank you-""I meant the zombie" "He looks cute in a dead kind of way, can we keep it, huh, huh, huh?" After a very ridiculous argument they came to the conclusion that they were going to keep it anyway…and that his name is now Zombie Zeke. As it turns out, though Joe had been bitten by Zeke "Please Joker you can let me go" "And where's the fun in that? I want to see how long it takes to turn and run some 'tests', boys tie him down!" At this point Harley was excited, because they now had not one but two pet zombies, Joker responded with "How's about we make it three, I think zombie Harley sounds pretty good" she then ran to a cell and avoided being eaten even if Joker was kidding (which he probably wasn't).

Joker sat and watched Joe slowly die and turn into a zombie as he enjoyed a good laugh accompanied by popcorn. After several minutes it was official that Joe was a zombie. All Joker knew about zombies was that they ate flesh and had a voracious appetite for it, and that is when he wondered "Was Joe even his real name…ah who cares". Right around now a normal person would try to find a cure and stop all this…like I said a NORMAL person. "Harley, it's time to feed Joe and Zeke get someone to do it" after picking a random henchman they wondered what took so long. They entered the mess hall (it was actually just a small hallway but it was called the mess hall because the zombies would eat there and scatter the body parts Joker also called it that because he found it funny) and saw that the henchman was missing both hands. "I guess he bit the hand that feeds…BOTH OF THEM" after having a good laugh Joker thought to himself "if they keep eating my staff I will be in trouble" so he got a gun and popped the "Handless Henchman" as he called him.

It has now been a week since the breakout began and Joker is still having a difficult time having fun. "It's so damn BORING, there's nothing to do" so in a fit of rage Joker hit the five remaining henchmen in the face. This gave him a small amount of joy followed by boredom, so it helped nothing and just pissed off the henchmen (well in all reality the henchmen were still afraid). To pass the time and avoid further boredom Joker would throw a henchman into the mess hall for five minutes and watch as they ran around in circles. "What do you call an idiot running in a circle while being chased by a zombie….? FAST FOOD"

A dreadfully boring month has now passed by and the Joker's boredom has driven him insane (well more so than usual). "OH MY GOD!!!!!!!! I HAD NO IDEA THAT IT COULD BE THIS BORING!" right around now the Joker has now almost completely depleted his henchman, in fact he only had one (he was called Bob, not his real name it was only how Joker knew him). "Bob are you a smart henchman or did I hire you for your brute strength?" "I'm one of the strong ones" "Oh well, all that counts for nothing, but you wanna hear a Joke first?" "What are you going to do to me?" "There's a serial killer who kills people in a white tuxedo, and when he is finally caught by the cops they ask him if he had any regrets and he said 'My only regret is that I didn't wear a RED tux!" he follows this joke by shooting Bob because he was of no use to the Joker.

While Joker shot the last of his henchmen a walking nightmare drew closer and closer. It was Scarecrow. He wandered into old Arkham only to look for a place to hide, but first he had to clear out its current inhabitants…So he first injected Harley Quinn and much to his surprise it worked…

As we all know Harley Quinn only lives to please and aid the Joker therefore her nightmare is not only to be ignored, but HATED by the Joker. (Up until now the Joker has always been cold but has been warming up to her and even gave her his first voluntary hug). "Mr. J, Mr. J, STOP IGNORING ME!!!" (Naturally Joker wasn't even in the same room as her because Scarecrow locked her into a cell to go insane) "Get the fuck away from me you STUPID WHORE! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I JUST USED YOU TO GET WHAT I WANT!?" "I know deep down inside you can love me!" "HA HA ME?! LOVE YOU?! And people say I'M CRAZY!"

Her nightmares insisted while she writhed in real pain in an imaginary world. The insults felt real to her, even the "IMAGINARY" pain was very real to Harley. While Harley was being tortured, Scarecrow was looking for our anti-hero (Hero in the sense that he has even the slightest chance in saving the day). He was creeping around the once familiar halls that he had seen for so long, and as he did he felt watched somehow, by some entity. Feeling this he looked around, but saw nothing and continued to search for the Joker. Scarecrow then stumbles upon a door with Jokers signature on it "He can't be here, he's too smart for that…." But he thought again and opened the door.

He walked in and saw a figure resembling that of the Joker, so he turned the body and was bitten by a zombie. "SON OF A BITCH! THE JOKER PLANNED THIS!!!" and as he said this he heard something on the intercom "HA HA HA! You used to feed people nightmares like this but I guess this nightmare BIT THE HAND THAT FEEDS!"

Scarecrow was thrown into a frenzy trying to find a way to cure his new "disease". In this frenzy he somehow managed to find a room not monitored by the Joker and quickly began his work. "God this hurts! And I only have 24 hours". He had seen the process before; he had captured a zombie to study it (unlike the Joker who had one for fun), but he didn't spend time trying to cure it; no he studied its movement, its weaknesses, and he made it bite a poor victim to see how long it took to turn. In order to attempt to cure this disease he had to use himself as a guinea pig. "What can I use to counter act this!?" it was then that he looked to his nightmare serum, "No no I can only use that as a last resort, but I can use the cure for my nightmare concoction" he decided to use his "Sweet Dreams" as he called it.

About five hours after he injected himself with Sweet Dreams he felt no better. "FUCK! IM A CERTIFIED FUCKING GENIUS AND I CAN'T CURE THIS SHIT!" after another hour of ranting he calmed himself down realizing his time constraints. "Maybe I should use my nightmare…no it is still a LAST RESORT". He then experimented with basic chemicals and injected himself with each. "Damn…only six hours left" and with the most dread he looked to his nightmare. "I guess this is about time for the last resort…"

Harley Quinn has now been in mental anguish for 24 hours, when she begins to regain her composure. "NO No no AHH, What the hell? Where the hell am I?" She then noticed that she was in her old cell. "HEY! I remember this place; they stuck me here when they caught me and Mr. J". Then she just kind of sat there and reminisced about when Joker was crueler and how worth while it was to get his affection. Then she realized that she had to get the hell out of there. "Mr. J you will not BELIEVE who is in our house!" "You mean Scarecrow, Yeah he got bit by Zeke"

"FUCK THIS IS BULLSHIT WHY DIDN'T IT WORK!!!" so in a fit of rage he destroyed his "work station" and ran out looking for the Joker. When he found Joker he was gassed on the bite wound. "AH! What? The infection, it's going down…did you know about this?" "Hell no! Why would I of all people know about things like this?" "Your compound, it works as a cure, we can cure Gotham!" "Whose we? I've been bored all this time and if anyone will get credit for this it's gonna be me, but even then I have the perfect cure-all…DEATH!" He then shot scarecrow directly in the head.

"That's what he gets for messing with my Harley" "Really?!" "No, he wanted to take credit for MY cure to this zombie disease, but if that's what makes you feel better Hun". As Joker marveled at his genius he couldn't help but notice Scarecrow still moving "Oh you're still alive, well you know what they say fool me once shame on you, fool me twice and I BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH A FUCKING HAMMER!" and so he did.

Now that Scarecrow was out of the way Joker could cure all of Gotham by himself. "Oh everyone is going to fear me again and I can FINALLY HAVE FUN AGAIN!" (He said this because that is his motive to cure Gotham). "And I can't wait to see the look on ol Bats' face, its gonna be priceless!" "Yeah sugar he's gonna say 'I can't believe HE saved Gotham and not ME!'". They celebrated this occasion by robbing a liquor store of its entire inventory and drinking heavily.

The next morning with a very heavy hangover our "hero" said "Ow, my head, this REALLY HURTS!" and next to him lied Harley in the bed awake, also with a hangover…and on the floor lie a zombie with its head split in half from a sharp object "Talk about a splitting headache." They both laughed a little bit and then as Joker was going to lie down again "HONNEY! WHAT ABOUT GOTHAM?!" "We can save it tomorrow damn it I'm tired and have a headache" "Well you know what's good for headaches right?" "Your naughty little zombie survivor"…Well you can imagine what happened next, and if you can't you are a complete idiot that needs a lesson in not only anatomy but very cheesy pick-up lines.

The next day they were ready to save the world…after some coffee. "Mmm this is some REAL coffee, it soothes the nerves." (As if he was nervous at any time). "Ok now that I'm energized it's time to spray some zombies!" and in typical Joker fashion no precaution was taken on the way to cure the masses. Spray here, spray there, you're cured, I shouldn't cure you but…oh hell *BAM* (That was him shooting a random pedestrian for no reason) "What? I technically cured him." So slowly but surely the people of Gotham began to become human again, and finally the Joker ran into his nemesis and took him to old Arkham before curing him.

"So Bats your finally in my control, how does it feel?" All Batman does is moan. "Well, you're not much of the conversationalist, so I guess I should cure you so you can fully understand the situation." So he took the time to savor the moment, he finally got to hit the Bat with Laughing Gas; it was like pure ecstasy pulsing through his veins. "What happened" "Well Bats you're in Old Arkham but before you got here you went on a particularly awesome rage eating and infecting Gotham, but like I said you're in Old Arkham now." "How does it feel to know that you ATE all of those innocent people" "You can't do this to me Joker I can live with the fact that YOU of all people saved Gotham, but I CAN'T live with the fact that Gotham owes you some sort of debt." "Now, now Bats, you should know me better than that I only wanted one thing…chaos, and I got it, but there was some sort of emptiness to it" "And what was that?" "It was that I WASN'T THE ONE CAUSING IT! It was you, you're little 'cure' that caused it all" "All I did was try to help Gotham, but now that you have me I suppose you want to kill me" "I'm starting to get the impression that you don't know me at all, it was no fun without you, all I want is to have fun, so I'm going to release you…after a joke. There was this guy who would go around having sex with 'Better than sex' cake and then to raping women, and he was really good at it, and one day he is about to rape this girl and she screams 'WHY?!' and he says 'Because the cake was falsely advertising."

Then he releases Batman and proceeds to laugh at the thought of the fun to be had in the future, and unbeknownst to everyone Harley hacked everyone's laptops because Joker was going to have a conference with Commissioner Gordon. "Good evening GOTHAM! I am the infamous Joker! And here's Gordon" "Before I actually say anything I would like to take a moment of silence for all those who have died….Now we can get to business, I know you are all wondering how you got your sanity back, well the Joker-" "THAT'S ME!" "Yes, anyway Joker found a cure and used it on Gotham, and he would like to be rewarded for his 'heroic' deeds." "Ha Ha hello Gotham! I do believe that I deserve a little something for saving all of you, in fact I had a list." Joker then rolled out a giant scroll which was about three feet long. "But I weeded out to the juiciest of them all…I want you to make me your ruler! HA HA Just kidding, what I really want is for Bats to keep making things fun for me"

That being said Gotham went into a state of rebuilding, but after that things went back to normal…except now Batman wondered what possessed Joker to make the decision he made, and Joker would never let him forget it.

The End…For Now


End file.
